Just a Ponder

I enjoy a good stimulating conversation. Point blank. Whether it’s with a sole individual or a group of people. There is something about hearing other people’s views and just having a sounding board for your thoughts and opinions.

This past weekend I found myself at the usual spot (my god mother's house) for dinner. And eventually the conversation turned toward being married and just relationships in general. Now I LOVE… love and specifically, black love, and still believe in the institution of marriage.

It all started with me hearing my married friend saying the word "exhibit " which lead me to ask about the types of things they do as a couple. For some reason I find it interesting the things couples do... And not only that, I'm always looking for new cool things to try.

So like conversations go, the course changed and I asked the question "How important is it for your spouse to like your friends?" (as a single individual it’s important to me) and they both readily agreed it was highly important. Then the husband said this, "Birds of a feather flock together... You are basically an extension of your friends" (he said some other things that are evading me)... But it hit, I had a small epiphany and I found myself thinking… "huh that makes so much sense". My mom has always said "association brings on assimilation" and warned us to be careful and selective about our friends... But I guess how he said it made a lot of sense to me. Sometimes hearing something differently can make a world of difference.

Now I'm under the strong belief that whoever I date or marry has to be able to get along with several important groups of people in my life. These are my closest friends, my confidants, the people I know are down for me and have me back and vice versa. I'm not saying they have to be Bff's with these friends... But I would like to be able to have dinner at my house or go out to eat and have my man on one side and my friends on the other. I wanna be able to have the people I enjoy the most in a room together getting along.I am not a caterer... So I'm not trying to cater to some grown man in some pissy mood because they don't want to be somewhere or don't like the people they are around. Been there...done that... and it’s not for me.

It made me think... How can someone REALLY like you or you really be yourself if your significant other does not like your friends? And the answer for me is… you can’t. You are obviously friends with them because you have some of the same interests and similarities (which obviously brought you together) plus you like and enjoy them.

I am by no means suggesting that your friends be placed above your significant other or that they must like each and every person you are associated with or even that they have to always be with you when you are with your friends..

But I'm suggesting if they do not like, NOT one of your friends (family) maybe you should evaluate that situation.... Because if it’s like that now.... It’s not going to get better. That conversation just solidified my... conviction… if you will…of how important it is to me that my significant other and friends get along on some level and enjoy each other’s company. These are clearly people that I enjoy and love being around so it’s important to me that I can be around everyone at the same time

Anyway... Just a ponder...