Just My Thought/Feelings

(Disclaimer: I actually wrote this a couple weeks ago on my iPod)

Yesterday while sitting around the dinner table death came up. A church member's mother had died and he was in disbelief and couldn't process what had happened. So I asked my mom how long she'd been in the hospital and she said the lady had probably been there a month. My first thought was "they weren't preparing for that after a month in the hospital?" let me just say death is hard by any means! ANY MEANS.... Whether it's sudden or gradual, it's hard. Hell, I have first hand experience so I know. Two weeks ago something trigger memories of my dad and sent me into tears, shaking, anger and bitterness for a good solid hour. I was an emotional wretch, lone and utterly drained.

Death is hard regardless no matter how someone dies, but as I set there and talked with my family, I told them I was thankful it took ten days for my dad to die. I've been thankful for that fact since the beginning actually. That was the hardest most anxious time of my life... But I'm glad it wasn't a sudden death. If my dad had died that first night...especially in your home... I would have lost my mind. That night was a total out of body, anxious, scary experience for me.... Well all of us actually. But those two crazy weeks was a preparation of sorts. Granted we prayer our hearts out but there comes a point you have to face the reality of the situation and you have to let them go. Even though losing someone is never easy I'm glad God saw fit to prepare us for the death of my dad. It's hard... And you never fully get over the death of someone you're close to and love. But when the moment finally arrived and my mom told me my dad had past, the only think I say was " He pasted? Just now? hmm I see... can we leave?", I knew it was coming... So I was "prepared". Granted you're never really prepared for loosing someone... And each case is SO different, but for me personally, I'm thankful that God didn't take my dad right away but gave us time to get ready for what was coming.


Live. Love. Smile. Enjoy